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Kata simu, tupo site

(phr.) It can mean I’m at work, I’m outside, I’m in the club, I’m on holiday, I’m exchanging fluids and don’t like disturbance of the head you understand.

Na usiende kuambiana

(phr.) This is how Kenyans assume a secret is supposed to be kept. They always have someone they can’t wait to share it with forgetting that that person also has another person that can’t wait to share that secret with.

Weeeeh! Wacha! Usicheze na hiyo

(phr.) This is how you babysit in a Kenyan home. Just shout this phrase every 5 minutes

Wah! Babako aliuza ng’ombe asomeshe ng’ombe ingine tu

(phr.) This is how Kenyans call you stupid using a metaphor.

Napenda malenge

(phr.) Now to every tribe in Kenya, this means ‘I love pumpkins’ but when it comes to wakambians this means ‘I love reggae music’. These people need to have subtitles in real life, they’re very confusing.

Hii serikali itatumaliza

(phr.) Besides the fact that it’s a statement we can agree on, if you enter a cab and you feel bored, just say this phrase out loud. Your driver will go on a rant until you reach your destination. Just sit back, relax and throw in a few ‘waaaah!’ in between his rants to show your engagement.

Unafuanga aje nguo na hizo kucha?

(phr.) This is how Kenyan men tell you that your nails look really nice. It’s just that their curiosity kicks in before they compliment you

Na mimi nataka kusema kitu moja.

(phr.) when a Kenyan acts like they are saying something important but they’re just spewing nonsense to waste your time.

Ee Mungu nguvu yetu

(phr.) This is the first line of Kenya’s national anthem in case you have no idea. So apparently, this is the Swahili translation of ‘oh God of all creation’ yaani 53 million Kenyans mko tu sawa na hiyo translation?

Mimi nikuendee maji na wewe umekaa tu hapo?

(phr.) Your siblings will swear that they can do anything for you lakini getting you a glass of water from the kitchen is where they draw the line.